Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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