fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
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