Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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