Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
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Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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