you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
