Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
