Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
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What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
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i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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