dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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