dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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