the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
