Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i love accidental penises.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
