I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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