dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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