I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
