so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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