He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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