someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
