there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
