U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
