wrigley field is MILF paradise
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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