I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
