This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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