I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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