i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
