Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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