I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
we made out on top of his cat.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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