we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
