YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
It's shark week go big or go home
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
