I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
We talked him into tasing himself.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
