Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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