organizing the empties. That sober.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
