Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
