Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
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I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
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I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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