eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
