so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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