Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
