I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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