i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
