Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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