Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
