just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
