Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sarcasm needs its own font
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
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