Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
