the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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