Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
