my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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