I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
