I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
