You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She bit a glass in half.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Randomize
