i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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