remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
