I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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