I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
