careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
