About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
