Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Houston, we have a blender
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
