CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Randomize
