So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
my being single is dangerous.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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