I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
