Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
