By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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