Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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