There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize