took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
