I'm going to jail i love you
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
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Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
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And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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